| Date: 03 November 2008 |
Confidence? It is all about Self Belief
CONFIDENCE ? IT IS ALL ABOUT SELF BELIEF
Cheryl Massey, Chartered Psychologist and Life Coach 07974 261744
If I told you I thought you were attractive, intelligent and motivated would you agree or laugh? Well, lots of people are those things but for some reason do not believe it. Why is that? Surely we all love to hear good things about ourselves and respond to such praise with a heartfelt “thank you”. Actually, we rarely do respond to praise with a simple thank you, more than likely the response will feature a hint [or more than a hint] of a self put-down.
A few years ago I worked with a lovely young person who felt very unattractive, and this was despite the fact that all her family and friends continually reassured her about her appearance. When we explored some of her earlier experiences, especially with regard to some negative encounters at school, it became clear for her how this idea had grown. The reason this client felt this way was connected to her self-belief. She thought she was not as good as others, especially that she was unintelligent. No matter what was said to her she could not accept praise and laughed away positive comments. Although it was quite a robust belief, we worked together to find ways of collecting evidence that challenged her self-doubt, she understood how and why these feelings limited her and after five sessions she was feeling much stronger and was discharged. Her developing confidence was amazing and she began to really enjoy her life, becoming more socially pro-active, taking more risks with regard to her job and accepting herself for all of her beliefs, not just the negative ones. She found therapy so useful she then recommended her sister too!
Unfortunately our self beliefs are not always rational and not always helpful, but somehow we carry them around AS IF they are truths. These “truths” then guide our thinking, our actions and ultimately who we feel we are. Actions, experiences and episodes that go against our self beliefs will generally be challenged and not acknowledged. It is a circular problem, since the more we look for evidence to underpin our ideas about ourselves, the more it contributes to that “truth” being consolidated in our minds. What started out as an idea then becomes a BELIEF which is very unhelpful, especially if it is a negative belief!
I practice a model of therapy that helps you to identify those beliefs and to understand how to challenge and ultimately change them. You do not have to live with them. You CAN make difference in your life by allowing some structured and directed re-thinking exercises in therapy.
If you have some negative self-beliefs or if you just feel that your confidence needs some work, why not book in for just one session and see how you might use these skills.
Call Cheryl Massey 07974 261744 or e mail me for a free pack on identifying negative self beliefs. Visit my website for more information www.cherylmassey.co.uk
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